i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
