Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize