Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
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