It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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