there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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