If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
