you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
