non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
