It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
