He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
