Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I forget how to act sober
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
