i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
