Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
BRING THE BAGELS
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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