My nipple is on Facebook.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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