Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
