And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
