Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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