i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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