I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
