Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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