I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Randomize
