that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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