I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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