Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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