i may or may not be watching the land before time
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
