goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
