what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
