so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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