$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
