My room smells like vodka and shame
This is not my ceiling
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
