Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
