I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize