he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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