Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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