what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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