Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
