i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you didnt know i had herpes?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
