We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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