someone get that fucking seahorse.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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