Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
