Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
