Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
