perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
