Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
