i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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