she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Swine flu is the new snow day.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
