and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
