is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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