3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize