??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
