She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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