got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
