just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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