just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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