you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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