STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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