Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
