I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
