the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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