Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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