did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
