my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
