Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
