wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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