I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
