lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
