Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I puked a lego.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize