Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
