OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We had sex on a dog bed..
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
