I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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