Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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