hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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