we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
