ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize