Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
