Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
