Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
