apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
