if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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