Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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