That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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