I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
